Holy crap have I been a lazy blogger or what?
Well this is the movie that gave me the kick in the pants to get back over here. I am such a huge Marvel movie fan that I just HAD to see it opening night! Rest assured, there are no real big spoilers, but if you want to see the movie for yourself without having any tinted glasses, then perhaps you should move along now…
Still with me? Ok, here’s my opinion of GOTG: IT SUCKED AND I’M HORRIBLY DISAPPOINTED ABOUT IT.
Sadly, few other critics – professional and regular moviegoers – seem to agree with me, and I have to say I am really surprised by that. For me, the negative aspects of the film were just so glaring, I could only overlook them for so long for the sake of trying to enjoy the film. But let me list my problems and then you can decide for yourself…
1. The indestructible, self-charging Walkman… Film opens with the kid version of main character Peter Quill on earth, listening to a Walkman. Stuff happens and you suddenly remember this is supposed to be a sci-fi movie when he is abducted by aliens (which should be a separate point, but I will just say now that the alien abduction was so jarring from the opening scene, I liken it to a Monty Python bit). Fast forward 26 years and the kid is now an adult. Amazingly he is still listening to the same cassette tape on the same Walkman, same headphones. I immediately turned to my husband and asked where the hell he got replacement batteries for that thing. And apparently he also obtained the only indestructible Walkman in existence, and this particular cassette tape NEVER wears out after being the ONLY one listened to for 26 years. Ok, moving on from the Walkman issue.
2. The soundtrack… dear god the soundtrack. So many more 70s/80s songs that had kickass vibes and they chose the exact opposite. Of the songs they used, only Cherry Bomb by the Runaways seemed to fit the actual movie.
3. The dialogue is goddamn painful to listen to. Most of the time it’s hammy, melodramatic, forced, or something equal to prompt an eye roll. There are a few funny lines, which help, but more often than not I thought the dialogue was almost cringeworthy. Also, I get that the kid was abducted from Earth in 1988, but the sheer volume of 80s references was irritating and clearly designed to wink at the 40 years olds in the audience.
4. The environment NEVER felt realistic. The actors looked like they simply walked in front of a green screen to perform. EVERYTHING looked and felt computer generated, and of course there is going to be a lot of that when you’re making a space movie, but there has to be enough to make it feel real.
5. The characters I barely cared anything about. Of the 5 main characters, the CGI raccoon was probably the best, and – sadly – the most emotive. Bradley Cooper did a great job voicing Rocket, applause to him. I also liked Zoe Saldana’s character, but found her development lacking, would have liked to know even more than they revealed about her. Groot, the tree guy, was also sweet and funny, but they wasted Vin Diesel’s talent there… Groot says 4 words the entire movie, you couldn’t even recognize Diesel’s voice, nor his features to justify using him. Peter Quill acts like a 23 year old frat boy playing Indiana Jones meets Han Solo (and not pulling it off), and I never grow to like him much. I thought Drax was a completely unnecessary character, not even sure why he was there.
6. That little trinket… As another critic pointed out, the object of desire that the bad guys want and the good guys try and keep the bad guys from amounts to a stone inside a softball-sized metal orb, or The One Ring inside the Hellraiser box. Been there, done that.
7. The bad guys never really felt all that BAD. Karen Gillan’s character was great to watch, when she was on screen, but we saw far too little of her and I dearly would have loved to know more since she and Zoe Saldana were “sisters”. Ronin… Thanos… meh, yawn.
8. The ocean is in jeopardy, so let’s make sure this puddle is safe! They are billed as the “Guardians of the GALAXY” – at best, they saved what looked like San Francisco from the Star Trek universe. At least with Superman, Metropolis got wasted but it was clearly in the process of saving the rest of the Earth. This doesn’t feel like such a grand scale save, but good job, guys!
9. Ummmm, wha…? The hidden scene at the end left me with mix feelings. No spoilers, but I was equally laughing and astounded by the ridiculousness of it since it seemed so WAY out of place.
Overall I really felt the movie was far from fitting in with the established Marvel movie universe. These guys were a bumbling comedy troupe rather than serious heroes. I don’t know why so many people think this is so awesome, I just thought it was a complete letdown.
1.5 out of 5. And that’s being generous.
Oh boy what a break I took, sorry about that…
To make it up to everyone, I shall direct you to a giveaway! My business is sending the winner a set of samples of massage lotions and creams – also great for use as regular moisturizers!
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Whoops, it appears I have been distracted by life and whatnots and haven’t updated in quite a while. But I do have something awfully neat to share for those who enjoy running, or even those who hate running but still push themselves to at least WALK.
I recently discovered Zombies, Run! (technically Zombies, Run! 2) which is a fitness app that works on both iPhones and Androids. It’s been around for a while, but it costs money to download and I am so cheap when it comes to buying apps. After reading a lot of reviews, I decided to give it a shot.
The basic idea is that you download these “seasons”. Season One includes 23 “missions”, the first of which establishes the world you are entering. There has been a zombie outbreak, and you are on your way to a fortified town called Abel Township. You are labeled “Runner 5”, and become an important person to the town. Characters speak to you through your earpieces, telling you what they see, or explaining what they need you to do. Along the way, you may “pick up” items that will help you. Each mission unveils more of the overall storyline, introduces more characters, or adds to the scenery.
All the while you are listening to this, the app is tracking your time, pace, and even mapping the route you are taking (if you are an outdoor walker/runner, make sure to have your GPS on, or you can use the Accelerometer to count your steps if you use a treadmill). The app can be set to 30 or 60 minute sessions, and you can have it play songs from a specified playlist to keep you entertained between the story. Additionally, if you download their Radio Mode, you can continue running for a while and listen to two guys chattering away in between songs. If you’re an outdoor person and have the GPS on, you can even elect to have zombies randomly chase you… if this happens, you must increase your pace (kick it into high gear!) in order to outrun them. It’s a fun option that keeps you on your toes, makes you sprint for a little bit, and adds a sense of panic.
For Season 1, Mission 1 (S1-M1), I did not have music playing in between the storyline, which was fine. I really wanted to see how the app worked without much distraction. I went for a fast walk in my neighborhood, but kept having trouble outrunning the zombies when chased. Part of it was that I hadn’t figured out how the program calculated your pace increase, and part of it was because my neighborhood is very hilly and I was ready to fall over and die if I had to sprint up a steep hill. Since then, I have figured out what to do, but have mostly stayed inside and ran on my treadmill which doesn’t offer the zombie chase option.
I am now about halfway through Season One and can say that I would pay double…TRIPLE what I paid for this app without hesitation. In 11 days, I have increased my runs from a half hour to a full hour, and improved my pace by over 2 minutes per mile! I am so confident in my stamina that I have taken the leap to sign up for my first 5K, taking place in just about 2 weeks!
And the story… it’s hard not to get sucked in. Even on the treadmill, I may glance to the side before I can catch myself when a character warns me of zombies coming at me. And I’m not ashamed to admit I have emotionally reacted to some of the story, particularly S1-M9 and S1-M11. Every day, I wake up sore and tired, but I still get on the treadmill because I want to hear more of the story.
So if you’re in the market for something to keep you entertained while you walk, jog or run, I highly recommend checking out this app.
I was so honored that Hello Giggles chose to run an article I wrote, so if you are stumbling here through that article, then GREETINGS! I’m so pleased that you clicked through to check out some more!
This is my “whatever I find interesting right now” site, some of it may bore you, some of it may thrill you, some of it may be way too weird for you. My business is Wellspring Trading, a company that deals in massage therapy products and all natural oils (great to add to daily beauty routines as a moisturizer or hair shine!), so please check it out if you have the chance!
Thanks for surfing by
EDIT: The bloom is off that…rose? Corpse flower has decayed, but what a neat time I had going back and seeing its progression. Here is a link to the timelapse!
The corpse flower doesn’t bloom every year, in fact it can take DECADES for the temperature and humidity to be right. Washington DC has one blooming RIGHT NOW, and it will only last 24-48 hours. Check out the feed now while you can!
Let me start by saying I was born in the 70s, which means – in terms of Doctor Who – Christopher Reeve was my Superman. Other versions have been fine, I really have no quarrel with any of them, but Reeve is still near and dear to my heart. I didn’t even mind Superman Returns. Brandon Routh did a decent job and hey, Kevin Spacey was in it being awesome.
So I go into Man of Steel thinking I’ll be entertained for the 2+ hours, but that was about it. Holy crow was I wrong. Mild spoilers ahead if you have lived under a rock and have absolutely no idea what the Superman story is at all.
You almost immediately get the story of Krypton, which moves at a pretty fast pace towards destruction. Russell Crowe as JorEl? Kick. ASS. He’s not just an intellectual like the earlier movies suggest, he can hold his own in a fight too.
Michael Shannon plays General Zod, and his portrayal is fantastic. Determined to save Kryptonians the only way he knows how (by killing Kryptonians?), he ends up banished to the Phantom Zone only to be reawakened when Kryton imploded (and then exploded. It was a pretty epic destruction). Rather than Terence Stamp’s evil, mustache twirling portrayal of Zod (don’t get me wrong, he was awesome), Shannon actually gets you to feel sympathy for him. Just before you want Supes to kill him.
Kevin Costner and Diane Lane play Jonathan and Martha Kent, both excellent casting choices. I was wary of Costner, but I thought he did a great job doing his best to help his adopted son navigate his moral dilemmas, and both actors were more appropriate ages to play the roles. Earlier versions always seems to be closer to grandparent ages to me.
Amy Adams was an interesting choice for Lois Lane. Gone is the typical raven-haired Lois, but her grit and determination keep the character familiar. Like Margot Kidder, she exudes confidence and gets the information she’s after, gets herself in trouble, but never acts the damsel in distress.
Of course Henry Cavill takes the title role of Clark Kent/Superman, along with a couple of younger actors for the younger versions of Clark. Both kids pulled off their roles perfectly, conveying the internal struggles of a child who can’t fathom why he’s so different from others, and doing his best to calm his frustrations. Cavill portrayed a rather zen Clark Kent, having over the years obviously perfected the act of turning the other cheek in the face of aggression. It is not until General Zod threatens his adopted homeworld that he really focuses on what’s important to him.
Most of the movie is a simple re-telling of the Superman origin, with a few differences. The movie establishes that the atmosphere between Krypton and Earth are different enough to be physically demanding, requiring Lois to wear breathing apparatus on Zod’s ship, and causing Zod incredible pain when exposed on Earth. Yes, JorEl still speaks to Clark Kent to teach him about Krypton, but he comes across as more sentient and interactive. In fact, it is through JorEl that Lois Lane learns how Superman can defeat Zod and his group, and acts as a Kryptonian Jedi in helping her escape from Zod’s ship. Lois also knows him as Clark Kent and Superman – she is a smart woman, a pair of glasses certainly would never fool her.
I miss my Christopher Reeve, but in all honesty, this movie was incredible to watch. There is also one specific point in the movie where I could swear they worked a little CGI magic and made Cavill’s facial features to look like Reeve, so much so that I actually teared up. The action was thrilling, the struggles felt real. I can’t wait to own whatever special edition comes out so I can absorb more of the behind the scenes details. Five bright yellow suns for this movie. ENJOY!
EDIT: My husband found this article which backs up my claim to have seen a CGI glimpse of Christopher Reeve – at the time I wrote this review, I could not find a screenshot of the part where I saw him, but this article shows some of it…
It’s all empty calories, but yeah, I find the Fast & Furious series to be very entertaining. For a movie or two there it looked like they were just going to crank out vaguely similar movies based on overclocked cars and skinny, barely-clothed women, but over time they’ve woven a bit of an interlocking story together, which continues in Fast & Furious 6.
They’ve brought the majority of the cast from Fast 5 back, and began the story watching how the characters each were spending their share of a $100 million heist they pulled off. Here’s where the story comes right out and begins with the ridiculous. You assume that each character was given about $11 million, and yet, a couple characters are acting like they got all $100 million. Spending as quickly as they were, they should have run out of money about a month and a half in. BUT this is F&F, so let’s put a pin in that one and move on…
In walks Dwayne Johnson’s muscles, followed a week later by Dwayne Johnson, reprising his role of CIA Hulk imitator Luke Hobbs, who delivers the news that a former member of the group, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) long though dead is actually still alive. He tempts these former criminals into helping him take down a criminal mastermind (Owen Shaw, played by Luke Evans) who appears to have taken Letty under his wing. Dom (Vin Diesel) is more than eager to get to Letty, and of course Brian (Paul Walker) and Mia (Jordana Brewster) are there to help him, provided they are all given full pardons for prior crimes.
So they reassemble the team, bringing in Roman (Tyrese Gibson), Han (Sung Kang), Gisele (Gal Gadot), and Tej (Ludacris). They left out a couple of previous players, but for this installment, we’ll just assume they are sipping drinks somewhere warm and sunny. Gibson’s chemistry with Kang, Ludacris and Johnson all bring a perfect amount of humor to the film, while Gadot and Kang continue to drop hints as to the story behind F&F3: Tokyo Drift (which is supposed to take place sometime AFTER this movie… yes, a little confusing). And the party starts.
From completely unrealistic chases, crashes, mid air 90MPH catches, and fist-fights, this movie is full of all kinds of ridiculousness, but you really don’t care. As long as you put your brain on MST3K mode and just accept the ridiculousness, it’s a bunch of fun. The villain is so stereotypical that he even has a pencil-thin mustache I was waiting for him to try twirling.
The one thing, oddly enough, that I just COULD NOT get past… The final action scene. I had accepted people flying through the air and receiving naught but perhaps a scrape or bruise. I had accepted a totally hellacious girlfight that should have resulted in several broken ribs as best, broken backs and death from blunt force trauma at worst but again resulted in perhaps a scrape and bruise. I had totally accepted complete decimation of hundreds of vehicles, many of which our heroes were in when they were decimated and SHOULD have resulted in mangling them to bloody pulps, but again produced only a scrape or bruise. But the end scene involved a very large cargo plane attempting to take off and of course our team is chasing it down with their awesome cars, using crazy weapons and whatnot. FOREVER. I said at one point… HOW LONG IS THIS FREAKIN RUNWAY???
Apparently someone else had the same question I did. And created this:
Yes, after everything I saw in those two hours. THAT is what bothered me the most.
But it’s all in fun. Can’t wait until #7!
Before I dive right into this review, let me promise that I will not reveal any spoilers – even though I know Yahoo and Entertainment already let the cat out of the bag (YOU GUYS SUCK). I will assume that anyone who reads this has seen the previous Star Trek movie (if not, feel free to surf away now if you plan to see it and prefer to go in fresh). That said, let’s roll…
Much like Indiana Jones being pursued by natives after having stolen the golden idol, Star Trek Into Darkness opens with Kirk (Chris Pine) and Bones (Carl Urban) running away from a group of indigenous people who are on their tails after having stolen a sacred item of theirs. While this is happening, Spock (Zachary Quinto) is getting himself all hot and bothered inside the nearby volcano that is ready to blow and wipe out the inhabitants unless they do something about it. This scene taps so many plot points for Star Trek in general, I was surprised how much they hit: Prime Directives, moral dilemmas, romance, bromance, dealing with impending doom.
Back in London, a Starfleet officer (played by Noel Clarke, aka Mickey from Doctor Who) and his wife visit a hospital where their daughter is clearly dying. Seizing on their desperation, John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch) convinces the officer he can save her life. In exchange for a transfusion of Harrison’s blood, the officer must sabotage a Starfleet facility. The officer does so, but sends a message to Admiral Marcus (Peter Weller) confessing what he has done just before carrying out Harrison’s plan.
This sets the movie into faster motion and boy does it MOVE. I was never bored or wondering how long the movie was. The movie found a great balance between the heavier, dramatic exchanges and action sequences. Visual effects were stunning, but rarely seemed overdone.
The relationship between Kirk and Spock continued to grow significantly in this film, almost to the detriment of Bones. Unlike the original series, there was little to none of Bones getting on Spock’s case about being an overly-logical Vulcan. To be honest, if the reason for the animosity between them was made known in TOS, I overlooked it (I’m not a TOS expert), but I don’t think that element was missed much in this movie. To be fair, Zachary Quinto was given a lot of room to flex Spock’s human side (rather than play the more stoic Vulcan) and I was in awe of it! More than once, Spock got to kick some MAJOR ass, and more than once his emotions got the better of him. But it still felt very much like “Spock”… Zachary Quinto is amazing.
Spock’s relationship with Uhura (Zoe Saldana) continued through to this movie, which was refreshing. So often, directors will toss out previous romantic attachments as though they had run their course so as to introduce new romances, but I was really pleased that this was not the case here. I found their relationship very sweet and did not feel out of place in the first movie. That’s not to say they didn’t have their bumps in the road, but their disagreements and tension felt real and understandable from both sides.
But the real scene-stealer was Benedict Cumberbatch. I don’t watch Sherlock (although I might have to start), and I knew he was voicing Smaug in the Hobbit films, but to be frank, I thought he was a little odd looking in his photographs. And for pete’s sake who names their child “Benedict Cumberbatch”! Sounds like you’re just setting the poor kid up for getting shoved into lockers and random wedgies. But he totally blew me away watching him on screen. His voice is undeniably sexy, his presence pushes well past the 2D screen, and his expressions are so emotive that you find yourself easily able to sympathize with a mass murderer. Apparently he also does a spot-on Alan Rickman impersonation that I am dying to hear.
Was this a perfect movie? Nope, there was a plot hole here or there, but really, that’s just getting too nitpicky. It was a highly entertaining film, it was incredibly enjoyable to watch these talented actors do their jobs, and I can’t wait to see it again.
I’m not a fan of Tom Cruise. Yes, he certainly got dealt the “good-looking for life” card, and he is a decent actor, but his personal antics tend to leave me rolling my eyes – or worse – creeping me out. So I wasn’t completely on board with watching Oblivion, but Morgan Freeman trumped my distaste of Cruise.
The first five minutes or so was Jack Harper (Cruise) explaining the history. Bad guys came to Earth, we ended up using nukes, bad guys were defeated, but Earth was decimated. Survivors headed to “Tet”, a way-station between Earth and Titan, the Saturn moon where humans re-settled. Jack is teamed with Victoria to help secure the remaining machines that are draining the last of Earth’s resources (water) to be transported to Titan and they are about 2 weeks away from leaving Earth and joining everyone else. The last of the invaders (“Skavs”) tend to put monkey-wrenches in their plans by sabotaging drones that help secure the water-suckers.
His days are spent leaving the security of his home to patch up the drones while Victoria keeps an eye on things from the home office, assisted by mission control from the Tet. While out on patrol or patching up drones, Jack finds remnants of the Earth that was, and has flashbacks to a life he’s not sure he actually lived. In his reality, his mind was erased years before as a “security measure” so if Skavs ever captured him, he could not reveal vital information. Of course, things begin to unravel, and Jack must figure out the truth while there’s still time.
Overall I really liked the environment, the story idea, the acting. I loved the technology they were using (I can absolutely see this coming), the vehicles and clothing styles were different enough without leaving me feeling bludgeoned by “HEY LOOK we’re in the FUTURRRRE!!!” My biggest problem was how the story unfolded on screen. For instance, the initial voice-over setup of the world as it is was repeated again for a character later in the film – I thought skipping the first voice-over and just allowing us to hear it when explained later would have saved us some time. Some reveals meant to evoke shocking surprise from the viewers fell a bit flat, while other reveals that weren’t so obvious could have been treated with a better setup for a more effective jolt. Often I felt like things were just being drawn out unnecessarily, and I thought the 126 minute film could have been tightened up to an hour and fifty minutes without losing the story.
Even something very basic to me seemed off… it was clear that Sally was pushing Jack and Victoria to do their jobs effectively and constantly monitored progress from the Tet. Victoria, feeling the pressure from Sally, was the middleman who sometimes shielded her sometimes-rogue partner’s antics from the boss (coddling his interest in old Earth relics, but never allowing herself to be sucked into it) and often pushed him to stay on task. At one point, Jack tells her he’s going to patrol in an area where the reception is bad and he’ll be radio silent. I expected him to get away with about 10-15 minutes before Victoria or Sally start getting antsy, but where he goes it is clear he’s been there before many times, and he has enough time to take a freakin’ nap without getting much flak for it.
The action scenes sometimes fall flat as well. I never felt much anxiety during them, never felt completely drawn in. Often I drew parallels to other movies. Morgan Freeman was, of course, the effective Morpheus in this story, allowing Jack to unfold the truth at his own pace, but I felt some interactions should have been heavier, weightier where others were too dramatic.
Go the the theater if you enjoy sweeping landscapes, watch it at home if you just like a decent movie on a Saturday night. In the meantime, enjoy the trailer: